


an angel that can’t cry and a man that doesn’t cry (should cry together)

by alienbiarcher



Category: Supernatural
Genre: (at the beginning), 4x12 Fix-it, Canon Compliant, Crying, Diner Date, First Kiss, Fix-It, Fluff, Jealousy, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Missing Scene, Soft Boys, sammy knows
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-02-03
Packaged: 2019-10-21 08:16:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17639159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alienbiarcher/pseuds/alienbiarcher
Summary: Dean isn't going to bury himself in the ocean - that's something. It's a win, right? Still, Cas feels like there's something missing. Cas feels like it's time for the truth.-----------------------4x12 was supposed to be Destiel heaven - it wasn't. This (mostly) fluffy fic about Cas and Dean opening up to each other and getting together is payback for playing us all so dirty.





	an angel that can’t cry and a man that doesn’t cry (should cry together)

‘Dr Novak’, the doctor said, gesturing towards Cas, who appeared from the hallway, dressed up as a doctor, ‘These are-’

‘Yes’, Cas interrupted, nodding, ‘I know these gentlemen’, Dean raised his eyebrows, breathing in a bit. Why the hell was this so hard? ‘Mr Winchester’, Cas said briefly turning to Sam, before looking at Dean pointedly, ‘And the other Mr Winchester’. 

‘Doctor’, Sam said, cringing a bit.

‘Doctor’, Dean swallowed, his reaction - the exact opposite of his brother’s. He had a thing for doctors (he had a thing for Cas), so that made him a bit hot and bothered. Nothing new here, though – Dean knew how to control himself.

‘So, doctor’, Sam said, referring to the only real doctor in the room, just after glancing at his brother and “Dr Novak” and sighing,‘You were saying there’s been no improvement with our uncle?’

‘That’s right. There’s no real brain activity I can speak of, beyond the occasional muscle spasm, or babbled word’, the doctor answered.

Dean looked at Cas – perhaps to see if he knows anything about Donatello’s real condition, perhaps to use it as an excuse to look at Cas. Cas, of course, gladly returned the favor, them both staring at each other with similar expressions.

‘What kind of babbled word?’, Sam asked.

‘Follow me’, the doctor simply said, leading them down the hallway.

‘So, a doctor checking out our old uncle Donny, huh?'

‘Hey, Dean’, Cas grabbed Dean’s shoulder, making Dean turn around and look at the angel skeptically, “What happened to him, that was my fault. It was necessary, but it doesn’t mean I don’t regret it. It doesn’t mean that I don’t wish that there could’ve been another way’.

‘I know the feeling’, Dean smirked and nodded, thinking Cas really lured himself into a trap with this one.

‘Oh no’, Cas said, slight note of poison in his voice, ‘No, please don’t compare this with your suicidal plan. Just stop!’

‘Ok, alright... Why don’t we talk about that later?’, Dean said, retreating – as usual. But Cas had no intention to give in.

They needed to talk about this. And Dean would, of course, love to avoid that talk and pretend like nothing was happening, until he was laying at the bottom of the ocean, and Cas regretted that he not only can’t drink himself dead but can’t get drunk at all. But what Dean wanted right now was irrelevant, because he was currently even more self-destructive and emotionally constipated than usual.

‘Because, according to your plan’, Cas started, grabbing Dean’s arm, but dropping it as soon as Dean turned back around to face him, ‘There won’t be a later’.

‘Cas’, Dean looked at him with a pained expression, ‘If you are a friend of mine, then you’ll understand that I have to do this, and you won’t try to stop me’. Cas looked at him – a mixture of sheer annoyance and terrible sadness reflected in his eyes. He was wondering if Dean read his expression. He was wondering if Dean understood what it was about. He was wondering if Dean realized what he hates so much about that sentence. He was wondering if Dean knew it was the word “friend”. ‘You think this is easy on me?’, Dean continued angrily, but seeing Cas’ expression mid-sentence, changed his own to something – as usual – unreadable, ‘It has to be done’.

‘So then’, Cas paused, swallowing the lump in his throat that made his eyes suspiciously watery, ‘This is goodbye?’

Dean simply pursed his lips in response, looking unsure, and Cas felt something tighten up in the pit of his stomach. Was Dean simply unsure about how to say goodbye? Or was he unsure about his decision?

‘Guys’, Sam walked in, interrupting their conversation. Dean looked at Cas one last time, before sighing and turning to his brother. Cas thought there must still be hope.

 

**\---------------**

There were back in the bunker, all safe and sound. Dean gave up on his suicide mission, and Sam punched him in the face for even thinking about going through with it, so all was good. Or, at least it was supposed to be. 

Now, don’t get Cas wrong – he was thrilled about what’s happened. But he still felt like there was something missing. Something incredibly important. And, to be fair, he knew exactly what it was, though he would never admit it. It was already selfish enough for it to exist in the first place. It would be too selfish to admit that it existed. 

A knock on the door stopped his train of thought, ‘Cas?’, Dean asked, before opening the door and carefully looking inside.

‘Come in’, Cas sighed, standing up.

Dean stepped in, closing the door behind himself, but staying next to it, not coming any closer to Cas, ‘How are you doing?’, he asked.

‘Fine’, Cas closed his eyes for a second too long, ‘I’m fine’.

‘That’s my line’, Dean said, picking up a random book from the shelf next to him in order to have something to distract himself with. 

‘Don’t take any offense at this, I’m happy you’re here’, Cas sat down on his bed, ‘And I’m even happier you decided against your terribly stupid plan’, Dean smiled apologetically and nodded for Cas to continue, ‘But what are you doing here?’

‘Well’, Dean put the book down, sitting on the armchair opposite of Cas’ bed, ‘I came to check up on you. Talk. But, if you don’t want to-’

‘Do _you_ want to? Talk?’, Cas asked, interrupting Dean, ‘And I mean _really_ talk – not whatever it is we were doing these past ten years’. 

Dean blinked and swallowed. 

‘No, forget I said anything’, Cas shook his head, ‘I’m tired and I just-’, he sighed, ‘I need some time alone’.

Dean didn’t move a muscle, staring at him – a mixture of confusion and disbelief on his face.

‘Dean, I-’, Cas started but was interrupted by Dean’s unsure voice.

‘What did you-’, Dean blinked again, ‘What did you mean by that?’

‘Nothing, I didn’t mean anything. Let’s just-’, Cas stood up, planning to open the door, and simply throw Dean out, if he really has to, but Dean stood up quickly and grabbed his wrist. Cas stopped dead in his tracks, feeling the warmth of Dean’s fingers burning into his flesh.

‘I’m sorry’, Dean said.

‘So, you’re sorry?’ Cas asked, suddenly angry, pulling away from Dean’s touch, ‘What exactly are you sorry for? There’s a long list of things, so I’m just clarifying. To make sure, you know?’ Dean just stared at him silently, ‘Oh, so maybe you need help? Ok! Gladly! How about, you’re sorry that you wanted to basically kill yourself, without even properly trying to find other options? Or maybe, you’re sorry for not even giving me a proper goodbye? Is that what you’re sorry for? Or are you sorry for wanting to just leave us all behind, like we’d be totally fine without you?’ Cas came up closer to Dean, ‘Is that what you think? That you’re replaceable? That we would just move on? What the hell is wrong with you?’ The angel felt his eyes water dangerously, and he knew that if he didn’t stop right now, the dam he kept closed for so long wouldn’t be able to handle it, but something in him was sure it was absolutely necessary to continue, ‘There are people who love you here, Dean. Your mother wouldn’t be able to handle you leaving like that. You’ve seen what just the thought of it happening did to Sam! God knows _I_ wouldn’t be able to _live_ without you. How could you just want to leave like that?’ Surely, the dam opened up, giving way to streams of water that were now running down Cas’ cheeks. He was getting quieter and quieter with every word. He was whispering by the end of it, ‘How could you?’

Dean made a step forward, closing the distance between him and Cas so there wouldn’t be any more space between them. He started raising his hand up closer to Cas’ face and, after hesitating for a second, started wiping his tears away. And he was almost successful in that, except the more he looked at Cas’ sad, tortured expression, the worse he felt, and his own tears started running down his cheeks soon enough, which made Cas cry again, while he was attempting to wipe Dean’s tears off too. It was a mess, really. 

It was a mess, until Cas stopped trying to wipe Dean’s tears away, and hugged him tightly instead. His hands went on Dean’s waist, fingers digging into the man’s shirt, and he felt Dean wrapping his arms around Cas’ back. ‘I’m sorry’, Dean whispered, ‘I’m so sorry’.

Cas forgave him. Not now, he forgave him immediately after. He forgave him even before Dean called the entire thing off. He always forgave him. Because he loved him. _God_ , how he loved him. He was hoping this meant Dean loved him too.

 

**\---------------**

Cas didn’t know how he was supposed to act the next day. Yesterday, Dean left late at night without a word, but he wasn’t retreating. It didn’t feel wrong, it wasn’t awkward – it was something they needed at the time. To be alone with their thoughts. To think about it. 

Well, they thought about it. Or, rather – Cas was hoping Dean thought about it, and Cas himself didn’t have anything to think about. He wanted this – whatever it was. Holding Dean like that, seeing Dean’s most vulnerable side and showing his own to him. It was all he wanted. It was all he _ever_ wanted. The only question was: did Dean want it too?

Another knock on the door, similar to yesterday, but more confident this time. Cas was starting to like knocks on his door. Lately, they lead to good things and good things only. ‘Come in’, he said.

Dean stepped in, closing the door behind him and giving a little smile to Cas, ‘So, I was thinking’, he started carefully, ‘I’m not throwing myself into the ocean right now. And, even though we have a bunch of research to do, Sam is currently fussing over me like a mother hen, and I really need to get out of here’, Dean explained, mostly looking at the floor, but sometimes throwing worried glances at Cas, ‘Basically, do you want to spend some quality time with me today? And by quality time I mean going to a diner with me. I’ll eat, you’ll watch me eat, we’ll have a chat about something normal. And by that, I mean literally anything but "there is an asshole archangel trapped in my body and we really need to get rid of him”.'

Dean was rambling at this point, and Cas had a very important question on his mind, ‘Wait Dean, you mean “quality time” as in a-’

‘Date? Yes. I’m asking you on a date’, Dean suddenly smiled, as if he's just realized what he said, ‘I’m asking you on a date! And you have to say yes, because I’m in a really good mood right now, and I’m sure you don’t wanna ruin it’.

‘Yes’, Cas nodded, trying as hard as he could to stay calm. There were a million thoughts running through his head. The fact that Dean wanted him as much as he wanted Dean. The fact that all he knew about dates was from chick flicks Dean showed him, which is definitely a problem, because he’s been told those movies are wildly unrealistic, so he can’t even copy the characters’ behavior to look natural. The fact that Dean actually made a decision to go on a date with him after what’s happened, instead of ignoring it, or hiding it, or literally doing anything that Dean Winchester would usually do in a situation like this.

‘Wait, you’re not saying yes just because I asked you to, right?’ Dean asked, only half-jokingly.

‘It’s a known truth that I would do pretty much anything that you ask me to do. Willingly. The rest I’ll still do, but more reluctantly’, Cas gave him a reassuring smile, ‘Right now, however, I’m saying yes because I want to’. 

Dean smiled, breathing out in relief, ‘Ok’, he said, ‘Alright. Let’s do this’.

Dean opened the door, gesturing for Cas to come out before him. Cas thought that maybe chick flicks are not that unrealistic after all.

 

**\---------------**

When Cas and Dean arrived to the diner, Dean quickly spotted a nice remote booth in the corner. They sat down in front of each other, and Dean felt surprisingly relaxed. This was supposed to be weird, right? Or awkward, or something. Because it’s Cas, and it’s them, and it’s a normal date – something Dean never thought he would do without feeling fake or out of place. Yet here he was, feeling happy and natural. It was like a miracle.

‘Hello’, the waitress came up to their booth smiling, ‘Can I get your order?’

‘Yes please’, Dean said cheerfully, ‘A cheeseburger with some fries and a beer, please’.

‘And what are you having, handsome?’ the waitress gave Cas a cheesy smile. Dean raised his eyebrows. He didn’t like that at all.

‘I’m having whatever he’s having, thank you’, Cas smiled politely. Dean cringed a bit but held himself back.

‘With any luck, you definitely won’t be having what he’s having tonight’, the waitress winked. Was she saying what Dean thought she was saying? ‘I’m not up for a threesome’.

Ok, that was too much. Dean cleared his throat, ‘Sorry, I was just wondering’, the waitress looked at him a bit annoyed for interrupting her flirting, ‘Do you have any special arrangements for a date? ‘Cause we’re on a date right now, just in case you were wondering’.

‘Oh’, the waitress smiled, ‘Sorry dude, didn’t mean to steal your man or anything. Don’t have any special arrangements, but you have a great night guys. Your food will be ready in no time’.

Dean gave her a genuine smile. ‘I’m sure you’ll get lucky today, though I don’t have to tell you that – you no doubt know that yourself. Just not with this one', he gestured at Cas, 'He’s mine’.

The waitress smiled warmly in response. ‘Thanks’, she said, ‘And you already got lucky, so don’t blow it’. And with these words, she left to go back to the kitchen. Dean knew she was right. He turned around to look at Cas, who was smirking a bit.

‘So, no “shy but devastatingly handsome friend” this time then?’ he asked mockingly.

‘Oh no, you’re still devastatingly handsome’, Dean smiled, remembering the awkward moment from their past. Did he really think that sounded like anything, but a huge, full-on "heart-eyes" compliment to Cas? ‘Not very shy anymore, to be honest. The thing is is, though, I’m not about to start pointing that out to other people, I ain’t stupid. They can already see it, and I don't need to blow my chances by adding additional competition. Besides, we’re moving forward from friends at this point, I think’.

‘We really shouldn’t’, Cas said, and Dean started panicking a little, ‘From what I’ve heard about relationships, they’re much better if your partner is also your best friend’.

‘Life’s not a chick flick, Cas’, Dean smiled, breathing out, ‘Though, now that I think about it, mine probably is. I’m on a normal diner date with my best friend, who I’m in love with. That is straight from a chick flick, isn’t it?’

‘I’ve heard telling someone you love them on the first date is not a good move’, Cas teased.

‘I mean’, Dean started, trying to hide his panic as much as he could, ‘It’s true’.

‘Don’t panic, Dean’, Cas said. Was he really that obvious? ‘And no, you’re not obvious. You’re rather hard to read actually. But it’s me’, Cas looked at him softly, ‘I know you. And, you seem to open yourself up to me, too. Which I appreciate’, Cas smiled, ‘And, for the record, I'm in love with my best friend as well. And - before you ask - yes, you are my only best friend’.

Dean breathed out, feeling much better, ‘We’re not moving too fast, though, are we?’

‘We’ve waited for ten years, Dean’, Cas smiled shortly and a bit bitterly, ‘I think we’re still slower than most regular couples’.

‘Have you?’, Dean asked curiously, ‘Waited for ten years?’

‘It depends on what you’re asking about exactly’, Cas shrugged, ‘In some sense, I think I’ve been waiting for you for millennia’.

“My life really is a chick flick”, Dean thought, holding Cas’ hand, “It’s kinda awesome”.

 

**\---------------**

When Dean and Cas returned to the bunker, stopping in the war room, Dean looked at Cas. He had thousands of thoughts running through his mind, but they all paled before one: how much he wanted to kiss Cas. Cas, who was so incredibly beautiful – which was something Dean could think freely about now. Cas that looked at him so curiously and with so much adoration. Cas that loved him. 

There wasn’t much else to do here, really. He leaned in, and he kissed Cas. And it was fucking amazing. During that moment, feeling Cas’ hand on his jaw softly caressing it, melting into the kiss, Dean wanted only two things. First, for this moment to never end – obviously. And second, to quickly start inventing a time machine, because he really needed to smack his past self for not doing this earlier. He might have to settle for smacking his present self for not doing this earlier, though.

And really, the kiss was perfect. There was no need (and definitely no desire) to stop. There was - of course - the small problem of breathing, but who needs that anyway? Unfortunately, no matter how much Dean would like to believe that oxygen is overrated, he still needed it to stay alive. Which meant that he needed to pull away from Cas eventually. But, just because they needed to stop kissing for a moment, doesn’t mean Dean would let go of Cas completely. His hands were still firmly laying on the angel's hips.

‘Man I’ve been waiting to do this for a while’, Dean breathed out.

‘You have?’ Cas asked, looking at him curiously.

‘Well, maybe not for millennia’, Dean shrugged, ‘But ever since Purgatory for sure’.

Cas smiled at him warmly, caressing his cheek – surely remembering what Dean had to go through at the time, and how much he blamed himself for Cas not coming back. 

Who knows how long they’d stand there like that – in the middle of the war room, embracing each other, looking at each other, kissing each other – if not for a cough coming from the other end of the room. Right. Sam.

‘So...’, Dean prolonged, not sure how to begin explaining everything to his brother. Dean’s been with men before – many times, but his little brother didn’t know anything about it, so that’d be something he needed to explain. Besides, he wasn’t holding some random dude right now (and yes, they were still in the same position – it’s comfy, so what?), he was holding Cas. Which must’ve been something weird for Sam as well, since he didn’t know anything about Dean’s pent-up feelings towards their favorite angel.

‘So, you’ve finally done it?’, Sam asked, smirking. Cas and Dean looked at each other confused, ‘Man, I can’t believe I’m so used to living with your sexual tension, I’ll actually have to learn how to live without it now. I even dare say I’ll miss it. It’s almost as old a friend to me as you are, Cas. Sometimes I even feel like I’m too familiar with it, so thanks a lot for that guys’.

‘Sorry?’ Cas asked hesitantly.

‘What the hell?’ Dean asked, absolutely confused.

‘You were so obvious, even strangers knew it’, Sam said matter-of-factly, ‘You didn’t actually expect _me_ not to notice, did you?’ Sam smirked, ‘Well, I’m gonna go to bed now I think. I’ve been researching the whole day, so I’m kinda tired. You two have fun!’ He said, going into the hall, but before leaving entirely, he stopped, ‘Don’t forget to use protection’, and left to his room.

‘Wow’, was all Dean said after a moment of silence. ‘We really were oblivious idiots, weren’t we?’ Dean said, smiling and shaking his head. 

Cas just chuckled in response, capturing Dean in another kiss. He’ll do that a lot on the future, for many reasons. Mostly to make Dean shut up. Dean won’t mind.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this!! I just needed something like this in my life. I've been tortured with Destiel for so long, I need something cheesy in life. I need some cheesy Destiel!  
> Thanks a bunch for all the comments and kudos xx


End file.
